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Saturday, June 09, 2007
the first time happened in secondary two. at that time, life was easy-going, even though it was streaming year. i was myself. as usual. my heart was stolen. pieces of my heart were given away. i tried to give in my best. for her sake. maybe i did not do enough, or maybe i was too childish. the time came when i knew that i could not make it. i was facing it, the words of rejection. it was my very first time. at that very moment, tears welled in my eyes, they trickled down my cheeks as the past memories flashed past. i finally realised i hate these kind of situation. but there was nothing that i could do, to stop my tears, to start afresh.
time flies and i am now in secondary four, i understand myself. so quiet so active so stupid so useless so hopeless so ugly. these are all about myself. there was a time, when i came across this thought: who's actually in my mind? perhaps i said wrong, this question was repeated again and again but the answer was not clear. until then, i made up my mind. the person could only be her. the one and only her. she was not the first her but the second her. my heart flipped. i know how nice she is, how sweet she is, she is so nice to me. perhaps i was thinking too much. with my character, no matter how much i've put in, the result will be the same. i was giving my best, the source of my life. i had never think of giving it up. perhaps it was god's will, to bring us together, and to separate us. No. i am wrong. we were not brought together. it was just me, being too engrossed in it, didn't realise that it was one-sided..
i can feel the sourish feelings. Give me a break. knowing the result of my actions, i insisted on trying. Now, it has been proven. my heart. pieces of my heart. found scattered around. now the source of my life was gone, i don't think there is any need to continue. i feel superbly tired now. my efforts didn't pay off. it was recorded in my history, the end of this 'relation'.
If it's the destiny between us, then there's nothing i can do.
If it's your wish for us to be separated, then i shall grant your wish.
这是我自作多情的结果。
这是上天注定的,这是您的愿望。
i'll let go.
you're freed
i felt terrible
you felt only apologetic.
i'm sorry
10:45 PM
im alone; out of your mind;